Pregnancy

Pregnancy is something else.  It really is.  I'm 6 months preggers right now and I feel like I've experienced so much already.

I've had a very easy pregnancy so far.  Aside from the usual first trimester exhaustion and mild nausea, it's been smooth sailing.  This second trimester has me feeling fabulous.  My biggest complaint is that I can't hang in the sun like I used to be able to.  I get hot much faster.  Which is difficult with two little sun boys to chase, but its not a major hinderance.  Mainly because they love to swim.

And I'm feeling little man move around every single day.  It's the most incredible feeling and I cannot possibly explain it.  It never gets old to me.  I could just sit and enjoy it every time I feel him.  And David even got to feel it for the first time the other day.  When I went to my doctor the other day he commented that the baby was probably driving me crazy and causing me discomfort with all his moving.  But I haven't had any discomfort and his comment only made me excited to be able to feel even more movement.  I love every second of it!

But experiencing this makes me often think of Kingston and Kyrie's birth mom.  I wonder so many things about her pregnancy.  Did she know she was having twins?  I wonder when she realized it.  Did she have an inkling?  Is that something you know?  Can you tell two little buddies are moving around instead of one?  Did she find out during delivery?  I just wonder so many things and wish I could sit down with her and talk about it.  And tell her what wonderful little men they are growing into.

And so much more.

David and I recently hired a searcher for our boys' birth family.  He is known through many families in our agency and came highly recommended.  Our boys are from an area in Ethiopia that is relatively difficult to get to.  We hired the searcher with three other families who have children born in the same region so we could split the flight cost for the searcher.  He had to travel outside of the city of Gambella to find our boys' birth family, but he did find them!  We were able to see pictures to verify it was truly them, and we even saw pictures of their birth family viewing the pictures that we sent of the boys now. Our searcher also had some discussions with the birth family and I was able to get some questions answered that I was wondering about their birth and what they were like as newborns.  I now have pictures of their birth village and where their birth family lives and farms.

Incredible.  I can't wait to share these with the boys when they are older.  I wish there was some way to stay in contact with the birth family on a regular basis, but for now, knowing their birth story is enough.  Now when they experience their baby brother's birth (No, they will not actually be there to experience it) they will also be able to hear the story of their own birth in Ethiopia.

Three boys with beautiful stories.  And I'm the lucky lady who gets to be their mommy and tell them all about it.

 

Poop Train

Kyrie repeats everything he hears.  Sometimes is just part of the sentence and sometimes its the whole phrase.

Well this weekend we were camping and I was talking about potty training in a way that only a lady can do.  Kingston had just come up to me and said, "diaper change" and laid down on his back.  He has NEVER done that before, so it was a big deal.  He had pooped and wanted a clean diaper.

So after that I was talking to my mom about how I think Kingston will "poop train" before Kyrie because he is aware of when he has to poop and will sometimes tell me when he did.

And of couse I used the phrase "poop train" because how else would you say it?

The next thing I know, Kyrie says, "Poop Train" because honestly, why not?  He loves trains and a poop train sounds pretty cool, right?  And then of COURSE everyone laughs because a poop train is funny.

So he keeps saying it.  And when he forgets about it, Grandpa Ray reminds him to say it again.  Thanks Grandpa Ray.

Now we are home sweet home, and what does Kyrie say when he wakes up this morning?

"Poop Train."

Oh Boy!!

WE'RE HAVING ANOTHER BOY!!!!

We found out at our 20 week appointment and it was so exciting!  Our doctor got called to deliver a baby, so our ultrasound tech had to "stall" a little bit with us.  Which was good luck for us because we got some extra screen time with our little man.  I happen to think he looks like David already.  One of my friends said she can see me in his face.  So hopefully he's a good mix of both of our qualities :)  But only our good ones, of course.

Kingston and Kyrie are going to be the most amazing big brothers.  They'll show their little brother all the ways to be naughty and awesome.

I hope that he has his daddy's work ethic.  His drive and his achievement.  I hope that he has his money sense, as well as his fashion sense. And his smile.  I hope he has his daddy's smile.

I hope he has Kingston's beautiful eyes.  His flirty ways.  His love for figuring out the ways things work.  His inquisitive nature.  His stubbornness.  And his smile.  I hope he has Kingston's smile.

I hope he has Kyrie's sense of humor.  His silly nature and his ability to make anyone laugh.  The way he teases and jokes and knows he is funny.  His love of snuggles and the fact that he is a mama's boy.  I hope baby brother has that too.  And of course I hope he has Kyrie's smile.

And me?  What do I hope he gets from me?

Anything but the red hair :)

Mini Fits

My little man knows what he wants.  And he's been experimenting with how to get it.  From my mommy perspective, it's been hilarious.  He throws these mini fits, and then gets over it.  But first, he has to throw the fit, just to see if he gets what he wants.

Do you mind?  Me and my friends are chillin'

The other day I took the boys to the beach.  We have a mini beach by our house, and the boys love to play in the sand.  It was too cold to go in the water though.  So while playing, Kingston pointed to the water and asked to go in.



Actually, he grunted and went, 'Mmm', 'Mmm'!  Which, as his mother, I know means, "Mother dear, can we go for a swim?"

I said, "No, we're not going swimming today."  So he threw his bucket down and stomped his foot.

And then he stared me down.

So obviously I held his gaze.  I had to be strong here, and not giggle. And proudly, this is what I did.  And two seconds later he started playing again like the good little man he is.

This little face.  Melts me. 

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And then another day we went to a store.  It's a little boutique that has a cute little basket of toys for children and one of these toys is a bus.

A bus my child ADORES.  So he played with it for awhile and then it was time to go.

(And yes, I realize I have two children, so just for those of you worried about Kyrie, he was at the front of the store with Dave saying over and over, "buh bye store.  All Done.  Buh Bye."  He loves shopping.)

So I tell Kingston to say bye bye to the bus and its time to go.  He says, "NO!" and walks away from me.  But only like 4 big steps.  He says, "Bus."  I say, "No, its time to go." So he walks away again and then looks back at me.

Then my silly little man stomped his foot and laid on the floor of the store.  Just laid on his back.  And stared at me. And I waited and waited for some tantrum or screams, but they didn't come.  He just laid there. And stared.

Then about 30 seconds later (as I stood and just watched him) he stood up, took my hand, and walked out the door with me.

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Is there honestly a better job than raising toddlers?  I just love watching them grow and learn and figure out how to get what they want.  And I love watching my boys' personalities develop.

He was so proud of this accomplishment!
He did not love when I made him get down.

I see my own stubbornness in my little Kingston.  And I hope he doesn't lose that strong heart.  He brings me so much joy, even in his defiance.  Stay strong my sweet little man.  Push the boundaries, but respect them.  Learn and grow, and love life my darling.

EPIC Summer

Summer time.

It's such a huge blessing when you are a teacher.  I get to do the job that I love, and I get the summer months off to spend with my family.  And this summer is going to be EPIC.

This summer is a big girl summer.  The only thing I want to do in the world is play with my kids.  And that is probably sort of lame to the high school and college summer girl of my past.  But it's really all I want.

Last summer was a big girl summer too, but it was not at all relaxing.  The boys were one, and walking all over.  Oh, and they didn't listen to me EVER.  Which was so awesome I can't even describe it.

Or maybe I can.

I spent my summers chasing them around the yard, trying to keep them in my sight.  Spotting them as they acted like daredevils and climbed up the slide and caught them as they tumbled off.  Put a baby gate up on the deck so they wouldn't climb up and tumble down the steps.  I never stopped moving last summer.  And don't get me wrong, it was fun.  Just a ton of work.  Those two gang up on a mama :)

This summer is only 2 weeks deep and it's so awesome.  I've done things I've never been able to do alone with my boys.

This time last year I would never NEVER go to a store with both boys on my own.  But I did this year, and it was huge.  Kyrie wanted to be held the whole time and would not sit in a cart, but this is a huge improvement from the screaming and running away he used to do.  Kingston walked through the store at turtle speed, but he held my hand the whole time and even held the marshmallow fluff for me.

And we went to the beach.  Yes, that's right.  With JUST ME.  The boys played in the sand for over an hour.  They pointed to the water, and when I said, "no, we're not swimming today" they stayed away!  No fits!  Then we had to leave to eat lunch and there was only a minor amount of grumbling and no crying.  And a very mature "bye bye beach" from Kyrie.

When we play in the backyard I can actually sit and read a magazine!  They still struggle with going down stairs, but if I tell them no, they stay away.

This is how we do. 

Hey baby.  You like my wheels?

They are SUCH GOOD BOYS!!

This summer is going to be AWESOME!

Baby Love

I just felt the baby move!

For the first time ever, right here on the couch while I was writing a post yesterday, I felt it.

It's actually been bothering me because I haven't felt anything yet.  I am at 19 weeks, and what I've read is that many woman feel the baby move between 18 and 22 weeks.  Takes longer when its your first one, but still.  Obviously at 18 weeks I was expecting to feel something.  Flutters, bubbles, anything.

My first attempt at a belly shot.  I'm not very good at these photos.
These pics are so cute on other moms.  Awkward on me.  

Second attempt.  Worse I think.

But I hadn't felt anything, and it was messing with my mind a little.  Because I'm pretty sure that is what mom's do.  Worry about everything.

So (get ready for some TMI) I'm sitting here thinking about how I have to go to the bathroom when I feel a flutter against my bladder.  (Hey - I warned you...  but all I said was "bladder" and that is not so bad. I hear with pregnancy it gets much worse than bladder.)

Like just a teeny tiny little flutter.  And I've felt it like 3 times since typing this us.  And I don't want to go to the bathroom because I'm afraid if I empty my bladder I won't be able to feel it anymore!!

Its amazing.  So amazing!  I've heard the heartbeat, I've seen a little blip on the screen (WEEKS ago) and I've watched my tummy grow to the point where I can't really close all my pants.  Some... just not all.

But now, feeling that little life inside me is incredible.  Like nothing before.  There is a little growing PERSON in there.  It has put a giddy little smile on my face and brought tears to my eyes.

Motherhood continues to amaze me. And tomorrow is yet another big day.  We find out if Kingston and Kyrie are getting a baby sister or a baby brother!  And we get to see the little one on screen again.  Our last ultrasound was at 6 weeks, so its been awhile.

I'd love to have another boy.  I LOVE being a mom to boys.  I have felt so blessed by my two perfect sons already.

And I'd love to have a girl.  Having a daughter would be so much fun.  Kingston and Kyrie would do great with a sister.

I'll be filled with joy tomorrow and I can't wait to find out.

It's also our anniversary.  Four wonderful years :) So David and I are going to spend the morning together going to the doctor, seeing our baby, eating breakfast, shopping maybe, who knows.  And I can't wait :)

This is one of the happiest times of my life.  And I'm feeling so very blessed.

Picture Day

Yesterday was one of those days where David and I looked at each other at the end of the day, gave each other a kiss, and PASSED. OUT.

We had family pictures, and it was then that we realized how busy and wild our boys truly are.  We thought we could get some nice pictures with the four of us together, but I'm confident that did not happen.  And to no fault of our AMAZING photog.  Missy at ML Photography is amazing.  She did everything she could do to get our boys to sit by us, walk with us, be in the somewhat near vicinity of each other or us, and it just wasn't happening.

When she tried to get Kyrie to walk on the railroad tracks with me, he either wanted to stop and pick up rocks, or hold MISSY'S hand.  Nice Kyrie.  "Mih-ee!"  Um, hey dude.  I'm your mommy.  You're supposed to do cute things with me.  Goof.    And meanwhile, Kingston was 239 miles ahead of us on the tracks with daddy.

Kingston, want to sit in the tree by mommy?  "NO."  Want to sit on the blanket? "NO".  Kyrie, come sit on mommy's lap.   "AW Dun."

When we decided to mean business with them and just picked them up to get all four of us together, there was screaming and crying and gnashing of teeth.  Or kicking of feet.  Or flailing of limbs.  Whatever it was, it was loud and wild.

So at the end of this photo shoot, after chasing little ones, wiping noses with my maxi dress (yes, I'm that classy) and attempting every type of bribery from bubbles to stickers, we got in the car and went home.  David was convinced we have the naughtiest boys in the history of the world.  I decided they were not naughty at all, they just know what they want.  And what they don't want.  And they DON'T want to listen to me or David.  They just wanted to play.  We were at a park, after all.  That's legit, right?  Strong willed playful children grow up to be doctors, CEOs, teachers, or other wonderful things.  Right?  RIGHT?!

Whatever had just happened, we were sure that we wasted Missy's time.

And then we got home and the second before we fell asleep, we found these little gems on Facebook...

Oh hello!  How can you not love me? 

Naughty?  Oh, no, no, no!  I'm adorable!!!!

Missy is amazing.  I love my little boys, and I love how she captured their free and wild spirits in these photos.  And I'm not super concerned with full family pictures, because we are practically a family of five anyway and come November we'll need to update the family pics with our latest bundle of Stefanich.

What matters to me is capturing my amazing little boys exactly as they are now.  Wild, and busy, and smiley and wonderful.  I want to remember how much happiness they bring me at the age of two.  The giggles.  The open mouth faces of joy.  The awsome that they are.  God's beautiful creations in little boy form.  And that is what Missy did.  You are wonderful, Missy.  Thank you for capturing my boys in their absolute perfection!

A Perfect Day

Today we had the most amazing family day.

Days like these make me wish we didn't have to work to pay the bills and we could run around all day long as our beautiful happy family.  David took a personal day today to spend with us, and it was such a perfect day.

We started out by going to breakfast at our favorite little cafe.  David and I went there about once a week before we had children, so its like our little place.  It also has bagels and muffins so it quickly became a favorite for Kingston and Kyrie as well.

Then we went to the library.  There was a "Little Wiggles" class.  Or it was called something like that.  And anything with wiggle in the name was sure to be a good fit for my little men.  It was a story time for little ones like K and K.  Our little North side branch of the library is nice and small and perfectly non overwhelming for me, my darling husband, and twin honeys.

There were board books in the middle of a circle that the kids had free reign to during the story and song time, there were carpet squares that I may or may not have been the only member of my family to sit on, and there were songs and stories lead by Miss Mary.

She was lovely, you guys.  Just lovely.

My kids have never been to anything like this before because we only recently started leaving the house with them at the same time.

You think I'm joking, but it can be a terrifying thing - two boys that each run different ways and don't listen to a word you say.  But they've grown considerably and actually follow mommy and daddy directions so we thought they might be ready.

I was a little worried about how they might behave.  But the other kids there quickly calmed my nerves.  One little boy pretty much ran up and down the book aisles the whole time.  Another little girl appeared to not even have a mommy there, and walked up to me at one point, took a chewed up sticker out of her mouth, and said, "yucky."  So when Kingston made a sidewalk with books and walked on them, I didn't think it was such a big deal.  I just went with it.

Kyrie did not love it.  He sat on my lap the whole time.  With each new song Miss Mary started singing, Kyrie would say, "NO!"  If I sang along, he would say, "NO!" even louder.  So I sat and rocked my little man.  And he said, "EIEIO" because that is the only song he was interested in hearing. Sad for Kyrie, that song was not on the docket.  

Kingston on the other hand LOVED it.  He looked at books, and shared books with other kids, did the motions to all the songs, laughed, jumped, and had a ball.  It was so awesome.

We'll be trying it next week without daddy with the hope that Kyrie warms up to it a bit more and Kingston can party on with his friends.  And maybe, just maybe, EIEIO will be sung for my sweet Ky.

And the rest of the day was just as beautiful.  We went to the beach, swam, threw sand, went for a walk downtown after dinner and had some froyo.

It was a perfect day.  And I hope it's just one of many we have this summer.

BIG, late News

Oh my word I think I quit blogging.

I didn't even mean to, but it just happened.  In the quest to be the best working mommy I can be, I had to let a few balls drop.  Because the important ones - Kingston, Kyrie, and David - are just to precious.

My job has been busy lately.  And when I come home from work I am just mommy.  Or I try to be.  I try to play with my boys until its time for them to go to bed.  And once they're in bed I do schoolwork, or just relax, or catch up with the hubs or friends.

So there is just very little time to write!  And it makes me sad because I love to write.

But now I am on summer break, and I'm hoping to be able to write on a more regular basis.  Plus there are a lot of big things happening in my little world, and I want them in writing forever and ever.

So in case you are just my online blog friend, and not my "in real life" friend or facebook friend... here is some BIG, late news...

We're having a baby!  Kingston and Kyrie are going to be big brothers and we're so excited!

I'm just about 18 weeks pregnant.  This picture was taken at about 12 weeks.  But those sweet brothers will just come up to me, lift up my shirt, and kiss my tummy out of the blue.

Its. The. Cutest.

I don't really think they "get" that there is a baby in there, but if we ask "where is the baby?" they'll point to my belly.  So that's good enough for me because its so stinkin' cute.

I've been really lucky with my pregnancy because in the first trimester I wasn't really ever sick. Just a little nauseous if I didn't eat every hour or so.  And since I love eating, this was a non-issue.

And now I'm feeling great.  My only real annoying thing is my skin is revolting against me.  I'm breaking out in ways I never experienced even during hormone raging puberty.  And I've had some allergic reactions on my skin that were weird, but short lived.  My doctor tells me this, along with my red hair and fair skin, is a clue that I may also experience some awesome heat rash.  Which will be a real joy as I play outside with my boys all summer.  But I'm not afraid of big rimmed hats and SPF 500, so bring it, sun.

I have so much more to say on this topic, but my two darlings are only going to be asleep for 40 more minutes or so and there is much to be done around this house.

Happy Mother's Day!

Little faces looking up for kisses.

Arms wrapped so tight around your neck.

Hands reaching to be held.

A head on your shoulders with a sigh in your ear.

Drool spot on your shirt where a face snuggled in.

Hearing "Laah Ooh" and knowing it means "Love you"

Knowing you've never had, and never will have, a more important job.  And loving all the amazing that comes with it.



I love being a mom.

I am a lucky lady

I have a lot to catch up on.

A.  LOT.

Like for example, yesterday my boys turned 2!!!  Oh my.  I have two year olds!!

And also, there was a party.  I need to share about that as well.

But I've been a crazy busy lady these days, and blogging just hasn't been happening.  But I'm writing this right now to hold myself accountable to actually write about these things in the next few days.

And I'm also writing this to give a little shout out to my amazing husband who also happens to be an amazing dad.

I came home from work today feeling a  little under the weather.  I have this weirdness Spring cold thing going on and I pretty much just wanted to lay on the couch like a wet blanket.

But did I mention I have TWO YEAR OLDS?! (I am still slightly in denial about their age.)  They wanted to play and read books and build things and drive cars on my head.  So I did that from my position on the couch, made the boys dinner, and greeted my husband at the door after work with the promise of left overs he would have to heat up himself.

I was a perfect housewife.  I know.


Then as he sat down to his microwaved leftover dinner - no complaints at all by the way - I hit him with this.

"Babe.  The boys really need a bath.  Any chance you could do that today or tomorrow?"  (You see how I tried to throw in some choice there?  So he might feel like it was his decision?)

He has dinner plans to celebrate his friend's promotion tomorrow night.  Which I forgot.

So he says, "Yeah, I could do that tonight."

Because he is awesome.

And then as I sat (ahem... yes, back on the couch) I listened to him play with my boys in the tub.  I listened to him sing silly songs about washing little boy toes.  I heard him coax Kyrie into the water that he was convinced was scalding hot, but was really hardly even lukewarm.

It was a beautiful thing.

Because he is such a great daddy.  And a wonderful husband.  And I'm a lucky lady.

Hug it Out

Tonight I brought the boys to an event at David's school.  It was a fundraiser and a curriculum event where the kids got to show off some of the great things they are learning.  Any time there is an event like this at David's school we go.  1 - because we love the school, 2- because we support our husband and daddy, and 3 - because those nights David cannot usually get home before bedtime and they boys need to see their dad.

So tonight we went to one of these events.  The boys are totally used to the crowds of families and children and basically Kingston and Kyrie think they run the school while they are there.  And they sort of do.  They run down the halls, and laugh, and get excited over the flag and the things hanging from the ceiling. Many of the families know us because David is the Principal at the school.  It's his job to know the families there, and so often times when they are chatting with him at an event, he's holding a small toddler who is (most likely) being wild and adorable at the same time.  Plus, about a million parents from his school brought us meals when we first got home with the boys, and are probably part of the reason I didn't waste away to nothing during those first months.  Lord knows there was no time in my life to cook.  And if there was time for cooking, I slept instead.

So back to the point of this post.....

Tonight I was with Kingston in the library because there are some stuffed animals in there, and he loves stuffed animals.  We decided to (I decided and tricked him to also want to) find Dave, Kyrie and their Papa.  We walked down the hall together and then spotted Kyrie.  The cool thing was they seemed to spot each other at the same time.  Across this long hallway spotted with people.  They both squealed with delight and started out in a dead sprint towards each other.  There was a moment where I thought heads could crash together and terror would ensue.  But it didn't.

They came together and hugged.  Honestly, they both just put their arms out and grabbed each other. Kyrie snuggled his head into Kingston.  And then Kingston kissed Kyrie!!

Seriously?!  Melted my heart on the spot.  The sweetest little independent act of love between two brothers.  I only wish I could have recorded it.

It was just what I needed today.  A reminder that these two are truly the most beautiful things in my life.  And they make even the most stressful situations just melt away.

Your Own Kids

Somebody said something to me the other day that really, really hurt me.

I was with a friend, and she asked me what I'm sure she thought was a really innocent question.

"So do you and Dave ever want to have your own kids?"

It's not the first time I've ever heard this.  And she is not the only one to have said it.  But unless you are an adoptive mother, you just have no idea how much this comment hurts.  Or what it implies.

It's like nails on a chalkboard.  It's a sinking feeling in my stomach.  And I cannot even begin to answer what I think she meant because I'm too busy deciding if I should embarrass her by correcting her.

I didn't correct her.  And I wish I would have.

She doesn't know that by saying "your own kids" she is implying that Kingston and Kyrie are not my own.  That I'm raising somebody else's kids.  And can you imagine if Kingston and Kyrie were in the room? Or just a little older and able to understand those implications?

I have heard the comment before about adoption.  "Oh, I could never raise somebody else's kids.  I just couldn't do it."  

Kingston and Kyrie are MY sons.  My own sons.  I may not have carried them, or birthed them.  But I prayed for them long before conception.  Before I even knew their birth country.  Before I knew that they would be boys.  Or twins.  Or brown.  And I prayed for them, and ached for them, and yearned to hold them in my arms just like their birth mom did.  I filled out more paperwork than you've ever seen.  Had more things notarized than I care to remember.  Overnighted documents, flew across the world, and experienced love at first sight.  Twice.  In a row.

I may not be their first mom.  And I'll never replace her.  I don't want to.  Or need to for them to be my own.  They're my own because I'm their mommy.  Their mama.  The one they run to when they get hurt.  The one they reach for when they need to snuggle.  They one they look up at, pucker up to, and smooch.  I'm the one who rubs vicks on their feet.  Deep conditions their hair.  Wipes their faces, and noses, and bottoms.  Combs and braids their sweet curls.  Sings lullabies at night.  I'm the one that tickles, and chases, plays legos and trains, and dances with them in the kitchen.

I'm their real mom and they are my own babies.


So there is your answer.

Single Momming it

This weekend I was a single mom.

Sort of.

David was in Memphis since Friday morning, and only returned home last night at midnight.  And even now, at 7:45pm he is at school for parent teacher conferences.

So I've missed him like crazy, been on my own with my two boys, and had to "Spring back" and lose an hour of precious sleep.  All by myself.

Oh - and it was my birthday.

Are you feeling sad for me yet?

Well don't.  I'm tired and whiny, but really, it was a great weekend.  (Sorry babe - as great as it can be without you there, that is.)

On Friday I just enjoyed a lovely evening with my boys, and caught up on some Millionaire Matchmaker on the DVR.

Then on Saturday, my friend took me out for a birthday pedicure while the boys napped.  AND she even got her husband to hang at my house with their kids while the boys slept.  What a sacrifice!!  Thank you Tami and Jens :)

In the evening my bestie brought her family and some delicious dinner over to my house.  The kids ran wild and had a blast, and I didn't have to cook!  After dinner, Alisha's kids went home with with their dad and she and I got to spend some much needed quality time talking about girly things and mom stuff. It was heavenly for this mama's mind and soul.

Then on Sunday, my actual birthday, I spent the whole day with the two sweetest gentlemen out there.  They took me window shopping, and had a lovely breakfast with me.  We watched a movie together.  Which consisted of them sitting with me for about 7 minutes, then getting down to play, then throwing a beautiful fit when I turned the movie off.  It was rather entertaining to hear Kyrie crying of the injustice over something he wasn't even watching.

Then, because Kyrie knew it was my birthday, he didn't want to leave me alone and decided to skip his nap altogether.  So thoughtful and horrific at the same time :)  And while the schedule is DONE when nap time is skipped, my sweet boy let me rock him for EVER.  Which was pure heaven for this birthday girl.   My boys are growing up so fast and they're always on the go.  I don't feel like I get to just rock them and whisper sweet lovies to them very often.  And he did the most amazing thing.  When I adjusted my arms around him, he grabbed my hand as quick as he could and pulled it tighter around him.  Like he didn't ever want me to let him go.

Melt my heart into a puddle.

Oh, and I "instagrammed" like cray cray.  So here are the highlights...

Kyrie looking cool. 

My amazing breakfast I made the boys.  Apple cinnamon waffles. Yum-fest.

A snuggly Kingston. 

Cool kids in colored skinny jeans.  

Brothers at breakfast warming my heart. 

The text pic I sent Dave after telling him Kyrie was choosing to nix his nap.  

Sweet Kyrie boy trying to lick the raindrops.  Have you ever seen anything cuter than this?
Also... he looks 5.   STOP GROWING CHILD!!!

Brothers playing so well together.  

Birthday dinner at Red Robin with my three dates: Kingston, Kyrie and Grandpa. 

Thanks for a great weekend Kingston and Kyrie.  And welcome home my sweet boyfriend.  I missed you more than you know!

I think 31 is going to be a good year :)

Scary Movies

I watch a lot of weird stuff on TV.

A lot of make believe stuff that I know could never happen in real life, and it's no big deal.

Harry Potter - I'm all over it.  Don't believe in witchcraft and wizardry.  But LOVE the books and movies.

Twighlight - Um, yes.  Read and watched them.  Not at all afraid of vampires.

Because they are not real.


You know what else isn't real?

Zombies.

They're not real.  I know this.  They are so ridiculous its almost silly.  They are so unbelievable with their weird noisy breathing, and outstretched arms, and unnatural slow walking.

But they scare me more than any other thing.  I watched 28 days later and lost my mind.  I couldn't handle it but HAD to watch it to the end.  It was torture.

And don't even talk to me about I am Legend.  The scene with the dog?  KILLS me!  Heartbreaking.  Scary.  Awful.

And a while back David made me watch the first episode of The Walking Dead.  A couple friends told him it was really good, and he wanted to try it out.  We were on Christmas break and needed something to watch after the little men went to bed, so I said okay.  I figured if its on TV, it can't be too scary.

But I was wrong.

The whole episode I was up out of my seat, walking to the kitchen, plugging my ears and shutting my eyes tight.  I can't stand to watch it, but I have to know everyone is okay.

So then I'm nauseous, and tense, and scared and its time for bed.

I'm hoping episodes of Gossip Girl can get my mind off the nonsense I put myself through.  

Best Friends

Kingston is an amazing sleeper.  Every mom's dream in the sleep department.  At bed time or nap time, I just lay him in his crib and cover him with a blanket.  He needs 2-7 pacis in his hand and one in his mouth, and hes good.  He smiles as I stroke his face and babbles himself to sleep.

And then he sleeps.   A good three hours at nap time and 12 hours at night.

That is - unless his bestie wakes him up.

Kyrie is a good sleeper.  Not amazing.  Not horrible.  But good.  He won't lay down when I put him in his crib.  He stands.  He throws everything out of his crib except his taggie blanket.  He's been that way since forever.  Although oddly enough the last few days he has wanted blankets in with him.  And he stays standing after I kiss him and leave the room.

And then he sleeps, but not for as long.  He wakes up much earlier than Kingston.  Around 6ish.  And his naps are only for about 2 hours, sometimes less.

But the best is when he wakes up.  I sneak in the room to try to get Kyrie out before he wakes up his brother.  The second he sees me open the door he is reaching across the room to the other crib and yelling, "BROTHER! BROTHER!"  Only hes not even 2 so it sounds more like, "BUH-BOO!  BUH-BOO!"

So I grab him and quick get out of the room.

And he cries all the way down the stairs because we had to leave his best friend behind.

As much as he wants to get out of bed, he wants his brother too.  Its so sweet and precious.

I thank God every day that these precious boys have each other.  They've experienced a lot of loss in their sweet, short lives.  But they'll always have each other.  They'll always have their brother.  Their best friend.

And I love that.

Falling

I've fallen off the face of the blog world a little bit, and most likely this post will not be the beginning of something beautiful.  I wish that it was... but you know what?

I am a mom.

Of twins.

That works full time.

And as much as I love to write on this little blog, and as often as I think of witty topic ideas, I just don't get around to doing it.

If the boys are up, I'm playing with them, or feeding them, or doing other mom stuff.  Computers and my children do not go hand in hand unless we are watching the ABCs or train videos on youtube.

So that leaves me with nap time or after bed time.  But I'm either doing schoolwork, cleaning (um, thats a lie) or lounging around doing nothing.  Tired from chasing silly boys and pretending to clean things up.

But here is a little update on my handsomes in a nutshell - to hopefully tide you over until next time.

Kyrie talks all the time.  He points out stars, balls, dogs, says buh-bye, and a million other things.  We went to great wolf lodge last weekend, and on day two he wouldn't let me put him down, and said, "buh-bye, all done" over and over again.  The boy knows what he wants.  And he wanted to go home.  I had to take him to the doctor for a nasty rash one time, and the doctor told me he thinks Kyrie is advanced.

No really, that is what he said.  And I'm his mom, so I'm bragging about it.

Kingston is such a lover.  He snuggles up all the time.  He is a boy of routine.  Before bed or naptime he rounds up about 4 or 5 pacifiers and gives one to Kyrie.  The other 4 are for him.  He likes to play outside in the winter, but I have to hold him the whole time.  He doesn't want to be put down in the snow.  And he eats everything I put in front of him.  Any time he gets put in the car seat he does the plank thing and laughs his head off.  Its.  Awesome.  He started saying "No No" but he does it so funny!  He points his finger at you and says it (hmm.. no idea where he learned that...).  The other day he pulled Kyrie down by the leg as he climbed up on a kitchen chair, put his finger in his face and said, "No! No!".  It was so hilarious.

Every day they do new amazing things.  They are so entertaining, exhausting, wonderful, and perfect.

I'm such a lucky mom.  So dumb lucky.

Pulling

Remember how I wrote about Kingston and Kyrie's love for each other?  Well, it's there, and it's strong.  But they are also crazy jealous of each other and their time with mama.

When I am holding one, the other is at my legs, trying to climb up them.  Literally trying to climb up them.  Whimpering voice, hands pulling my pants down, little feet trying to get some traction on my shins.

If I sweep down and pick the other up - one in each arm - they whine and push at each other.  Like seriously strong arm each other away.

If I'm sitting on the floor and I have one cuddled up against my shoulder, the other will come running up and lay their head on my shoulder too.  Fully standing, just laying their head on my shoulder and boxing their brother out.  Just to be clear they're not missing any mommy time.
_________


The other afternoon, Kingston was still napping and Kyrie was awake.  He was busy playing and and I was lazily laying on the couch.  Probably checking facebook on my phone, playing words with friends, or doing some other really spectacularly maternal thing.

David came over and snuggled up next to me.  We were laughing and canoodling as young lovers do. (I know.  Now you think I'm weird.  But we weren't doing anything really but goofing around and being silly, so canoodling seems like the right fit.)

Kyrie came BARRELING over, whining in true Kyrie fashion, and flew up to the couch.  He immediately laid his head on my chest, between me and David.

And just laid there.

Now chances are, he saw his mommy and daddy giggling and having fun, and didn't want to be left out of that fun party.  Who would want to be left out of that?

But deep down in my mommy heart, I think he was jealous.  Jealous of the time daddy was getting with me.  Jealous daddy was get some snuggle time he was missing out on.


--------------------

Moms get pulled in a million directions.  I think even more so when you're a working mom.  I'm pulled towards my job, my students, my husband, my twin boys, my dog, my house that I don't really clean, my friends, my extended family.  You know what I'm talking about, I'm sure.  Because no matter who is reading this, you are pulled too.

But on this day when I'm feeling the pull of little hands on my legs, of little faces against my shoulders and chest, and the pull of my best friend on my hand, I don't feel pulled at all.  I feel needed and loved and cherished.

Big Things

Big things happened today at my house.  Big, big things.

Each of my boys had a monumental moment today.  One that makes me so very proud, and one that makes me giggle and cringe.

Kingston went first.  Here is the backstory:

My boys talk.  They say lots of things, some of them clearly, other things not so much.  But they like to talk.  They both say Mama and Dada or Daddy.  Kyrie says Daddy clear as can be, and its a beautiful thing.  Kingston says Dada.  They both say Mama, but only when I ask them to.  It is the clearest thing that Kingston says, but again, he only says it when I say, "say mama".  Kyrie also only says it when I ask him to, but it often sounds more like bu bu or puh puh.  And it sometimes even comes out at buh-bye.

Today David let me sleep in.  When I woke up, I heard the sounds of a daddy and two little boys playing downstairs.  When I came out of the room and started walking down the stairs, I made eye contact with Kingston.  He was standing on the couch.  He said, "Muhmuh!"

He said it and he was talking to me.  About me.  Calling for me.  I could scream :)  The smile on my face is so big and giddy right now.  It's the coolest thing to hear when you are a mom.

The coolest.



And now on to Kyrie's big moment.

He pooped in the tub. :)  First time either one of my boys have blessed me with such an experience.  I made it a full year as a mom before this happened and it sort of feels like a success to make it that long.

Poop happens.  It's no biggie.


I'll just dwell on my sweet boy calling my name :)

Two Boys

There are these two boys.

And they hold my heart.  My whole heart.


When they wake up, if its only one of them that is awake, I go in and pick them up, and they reach - whole body reach - for the other crib.  They want their brother.

When they steal toys from each other, which only happens 100 times a day, they come to me and tattle on the other.  With grunting, and pointing, and whining and crying.  Usually, they do not give it back.  I have to retrieve the toy from the stealer, which ends with more crying.

But sometimes, and only sometimes, when I say "K... give the toy back.  He was playing with it."  And my sweet boy will hand the toy back to his brother.  And this mama melts.

Sometimes when they're playing together, laughing, hiding, peeking out, running wild...  they'll stop.  Mouths open, lean in together for a kiss.  

Sometimes Kyrie will scream.  Like a gleeful screech.  And then Kingston will do it.  And they'll go back and forth, screeching and laughing and screeching some more.  It's loud.  And crazy.  And hilarious.

Every time we put them in their highchairs, they go in for a high five for each other.  Every time.

They love each other.  So fiercely for such little ones who haven't been on this earth for long.  The one thing they have always, always had in the world is each other.  To love with, to laugh with, to experience life with.  I'm so thankful for that.  And I'm so thankful that I get to be a part of it.

Reflections

Last New Year's Eve we didn't make it to midnight.  In fact, we did nothing to celebrate.  At least, if we did, I have no memory of it.

That's because last New Year's Eve was during a time Dave and I lovingly refer to as the "dark days".

The boys had been home for a few weeks.  But it felt like an eternity and only 5 minutes at the same time.  I don't remember much from those days except that the boys didn't sleep.

Ever.

No really.  They never slept.  And when they did, they coordinated with each other to make sure at least one of them was always up.

I think they were just trying to keep us on our toes.  In actuality, its how we lost our silly little minds.

We were all kinds of sleep deprived crazy.

BUT - sleep deprived doesn't matter when you have these sweet faces to see each day

In those days, it took the boys about an hour and a half to fall asleep.  I remember Kingston would fall asleep first.  And then it was another hour before Kyrie would fall asleep.  It usually involved David rocking him to sleep in our closet, and then carefully transferring him to the bouncy seat in the nursery.

They didn't do cribs in the "dark days."

Then we would drop wherever we were and try to get 20 minutes of sleep before Kingston was up.  We were lucky to get 10.

A couple of brand new baby ballers. 

Christmas, New Year's, David's birthday, Valentine's day, My birthday, spring break....

These are all things we celebrate and have some sort of memorable time for.  But last year they all passed without event.  I don't remember them, I just know they happened without me.  I was half asleep through all of it, and can't remember anything monumental about any of it.


This year we may or may not make it to midnight.  We are home with our sweet family of four. All of us in our pajamas.  Two of us are snuggled in our cribs, snoozing peacefully until morning.  And its not David or me.  There is champagne in the fridge, and we've already agreed to a 9:00 toast.  Because why wait until midnight when we may not make it?  And not because we are sleep deprived.  We're not.  We're well rested.  We just may or may not choose to stay up.

One little guy who was NOT going to make the ball drop.

So while I felt like nothing big was happening last year, I was so very wrong.  Those dark days were some of the most important days of my life.  Those sleepless nights of rocking and singing the same Train song over and over again because it was the only song that stopped the crying, those days of crashing on the couch were the boys could wake up, see me there, and then sleep for a few more minutes, those were some important days.  Big things were happening.

Two napping angels. 

Mama and baby Kingston

My boys were learning who we were.  They were learning to love us, and trust us.  And feel at home.

And while I know every day is a journey towards healthy attachment and development for my little loves, I feel so content with where we are today.   So happy.  And so very blessed.

And I can't wait to see what big things happen in 2013.

My flirty little Ky.

Kingston my lion tamer.