Reflections

Last New Year's Eve we didn't make it to midnight.  In fact, we did nothing to celebrate.  At least, if we did, I have no memory of it.

That's because last New Year's Eve was during a time Dave and I lovingly refer to as the "dark days".

The boys had been home for a few weeks.  But it felt like an eternity and only 5 minutes at the same time.  I don't remember much from those days except that the boys didn't sleep.

Ever.

No really.  They never slept.  And when they did, they coordinated with each other to make sure at least one of them was always up.

I think they were just trying to keep us on our toes.  In actuality, its how we lost our silly little minds.

We were all kinds of sleep deprived crazy.

BUT - sleep deprived doesn't matter when you have these sweet faces to see each day

In those days, it took the boys about an hour and a half to fall asleep.  I remember Kingston would fall asleep first.  And then it was another hour before Kyrie would fall asleep.  It usually involved David rocking him to sleep in our closet, and then carefully transferring him to the bouncy seat in the nursery.

They didn't do cribs in the "dark days."

Then we would drop wherever we were and try to get 20 minutes of sleep before Kingston was up.  We were lucky to get 10.

A couple of brand new baby ballers. 

Christmas, New Year's, David's birthday, Valentine's day, My birthday, spring break....

These are all things we celebrate and have some sort of memorable time for.  But last year they all passed without event.  I don't remember them, I just know they happened without me.  I was half asleep through all of it, and can't remember anything monumental about any of it.


This year we may or may not make it to midnight.  We are home with our sweet family of four. All of us in our pajamas.  Two of us are snuggled in our cribs, snoozing peacefully until morning.  And its not David or me.  There is champagne in the fridge, and we've already agreed to a 9:00 toast.  Because why wait until midnight when we may not make it?  And not because we are sleep deprived.  We're not.  We're well rested.  We just may or may not choose to stay up.

One little guy who was NOT going to make the ball drop.

So while I felt like nothing big was happening last year, I was so very wrong.  Those dark days were some of the most important days of my life.  Those sleepless nights of rocking and singing the same Train song over and over again because it was the only song that stopped the crying, those days of crashing on the couch were the boys could wake up, see me there, and then sleep for a few more minutes, those were some important days.  Big things were happening.

Two napping angels. 

Mama and baby Kingston

My boys were learning who we were.  They were learning to love us, and trust us.  And feel at home.

And while I know every day is a journey towards healthy attachment and development for my little loves, I feel so content with where we are today.   So happy.  And so very blessed.

And I can't wait to see what big things happen in 2013.

My flirty little Ky.

Kingston my lion tamer.

Haircut

Hello, my name is MacKenzie and I cannot cut my children's hair.

It's probably time.  Okay, it's probably way overdue.  But I can't do it.

I am IN LOVE with their hair.  Its so beautiful.  It's perfect.  The curls are amazing.

Morning hair.  Kyrie is not pleased with my photography at this early hour.  

But its pretty long.  And the longer it gets, the more difficult it is.  Kyrie's hair is the thickest of the two, but his is actually the easiest.  It takes me WAY longer to comb through it, but its not that hard.  He sits really good for me, and I just do it in sections.  I only comb it all the way out about once a week.  In between, I just put conditioner in it between baths and finger comb it.  And it looks good.  Its incredibly long, but the longer it gets, the more the curls coil up.

Little man trying to get at my coffee....

Kingstons hair is thinner, and has looser curls, but is way harder to comb.  For one, he HATES when I do it, and doesn't sit still like Kyrie.  He screams and cries the whole time.  But for whatever reason, his hair knots up so much more than Kyrie's.  After a bath, I finger comb it and it looks really good.  But when I have to get a comb all the way through, its a huge battle.  When its not combed through, his curls tend to stand up on the top of his head in a "wild boy" way.  Which is adorable in itself, but doesn't really give off that "I've got it together"look for running around town :)

Look at his curly mullett happening.  And the all over wildness :)  Can't help but love it. 

Why yes, my hair does stand up on end.  

I know that if I cut it, it would look super cute and be easier to manage.

However, it is super cute long too.

Because, well, lets be honest.  These are some handsome boys no matter what.

They're seriously adorbs.

Pure joy. 

But here is the other thing.


It is not uncommon for children to get their heads shaved when they enter an orphanage.   I think to avoid the spread of head lice.  But my boys were teeny tiny bald headed babies when they came to Hannah's Hope, so they were not shaved.

They had the most beautiful fuzz on their little heads.  It was so short and fine and straight.

And that sweet little fuzz turned into the beautiful curls I see on their sweet heads now.  Its the same hair.

I can't bring myself to cut those first curls away.

These are the curls I first fell in love with.

These are the curls their birth mom whispered into, and kissed, and snuggled.


The curls their special mothers at Hannah's Hope cherished and caressed.

The curls that my fingers comb through, and braid and wash and smooth through.  That my face buries itself in, and my nose inhales its sweetness.

I adore these curls.  And I adore these boys.

And I just can't bring myself to do it yet.








So when did you give your children their first haircut?  When did you know it was time?

A Christmas Glimpse

Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am.  When I stop and think about how blessed I am, I get a little teary.  Like a real live, misty eyed mush ball.

My boys are amazing.  And this Christmas was such a joy.

I feel like I could write for days to tell you about the bliss that is my family.  But I'll just share a few highlights from my Christmas in pictures....

Too tired to move.  Some days are like this. 

I....  can't....  move....  Too....  Tired....

New kitchen.  We LOVE to pretend with our food and utensils!!  

And our trains love the table too. 

We are dorks who bought each other matching watches without trying. 

Merry Christmas!!

Christmas cornrows

Christmas Eve Breakfast with some friends.

Mama and one of my handsome boys. 

Kyrie being naughty and acting like Ellie pug.  Don't worry!  There was nothing in the bowl and no "contact" made.

Opening presents. 

Boxes are more fun!

New Christmas hats :)  Silk lined to protect our handsome curls. 

Cute like daddy. 

Merry Christmas everyone!!