Lucky in Love

I feel so lucky to be married to David.

He gets me.  He knows me.  He makes me so happy.

And the other day he did such a sweet thing that keeps coming to my mind.  So I want to share it.

David is really loving this vintage store we have in our town.  We discovered it recently, and finds ways to get me there all the time.  David has found quite a few treasures there, and even "likes" it on Facebook.  "Liking" a vintage store on Facebook.....  so silly.

The other day he took me there and spoiled me.  He had seen this giraffe scarf on their Facebook page and he wanted me to have it.   What?  He's so sweet.  But he's also very specific about how we spend money.  (THANK goodness - because I am not so specific...)

So I was surprised when he was buying me this beautiful scarf, just for fun.  It made me feel so spoiled!  He was just so sweet about it too.

But you know what?  There was one more thing he bought me that brings me to tears even writing this.



David very quietly hands me a small gold necklace.  It's petite.  It's beautiful.  It's "me".

And it has an anchor on it.

"I thought you might like this."

"David, its just like my dad's!"

"I know."

You see, David never got to meet my father.  He and I started a friendship when my father was near the end of his battle with cancer.


He's heard countless stories about my dad.  Listens to me repeat them over and over and doesn't stop me.  He eats dad's birthday peach pie with me every year.  Goes to the lake with me on Father's day.

Holds me while I cry out of nowhere when a memory comes upon me too quick.  Or when I dream about him and wake up remembering he's gone.

My dad left me this necklace.   It was his. You see, my dad LOVED his boat and the lake.  All things nautical really, except sail boats.  (He was not so much a slow sailing kind of guy - but power and speed. You know...man stuff.)  The necklace was a gold anchor with an eagle on it.  On a gold chain.  The chain is big, and the charm (can I call it that?  Medallion maybe?) is big.

Because it was for a guy.

I don't wear it.  Its a keepsake, and I treasure it because it was his.  I would like to wear it, but its not really "me".  It's certainly "my dad", and that is what I love about it.  But its not me.



I know that this doesn't seem like a big deal.  But it is.

It SO is.

We've never really talked about the necklace.  He knew I had it, and he'd seen it plenty of times.  I've never told him that I wish it was something I could wear without looking like I was wearing a "gold chain" or was a fifty year old man.

But it means the world to me that he knew I would love this.

Its beautiful.
Its a sweet tribute to my father.
And I adore it.

Just Wait till You Know Them...

Okay.

So yesterday was sort of a downer.

Sorry.  Some days are just like that.

But today I want to share a letter.  And hopefully its not such a downer.  It's not meant to be.  Its meant to be filled with joy.  Because that is what these boys do.  They fill me with joy.  And if I could, I would share that with my dad.

So here it is...

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Dear Dad,

You have the most amazing grandsons.  I know that you know this.  I know that you watch over them from Heaven.  But let me tell you about them.

This is Kingston.

He LOVES to laugh.  He is so independent.  He plays all day long and runs everywhere he goes.  He likes to climb things. He stands on all his toys, and he loves to push buttons.  I had to tape cardboard over the buttons on the DVR because he kept fast forwarding the TV.

He smiles at everyone.  Loves to flirt with the ladies, and shows off when people are over.  But when he is mad?  He throws himself down on the floor and cries.  He rolls and tantrums.  No tears, just a brilliant display of unhappiness.

But its rare.  Most of the time he is just a bucket of smiles!

He has wild hair that can only sometimes be tamed.  David thinks its time to cut it, mostly because it isn't growing in super even.  I agree, but can't bring myself to set up an appointment.  So it just keeps getting wilder, and I keep loving it a little more.

And this is Kyrie.

This is pretty much how he looks after ever meal.  Little specks of food on his face, usually one chunk of food in his hair, and food in his mouth that he is "saving".

His smile lights up the room, and he has the tightest most beautiful curls.  I'm nervous I'll never ever be able to cut them.

He has tons of teeth, and his molars are all coming in at once.  He's had a low fever for the past couple days and has been really unhappy because of the teething.  Poor little guy.

Kyrie is my little lovey.  He is such a mama's boy right now and loves to snuggle and cuddle with me.

                   

He is also "all boy".  He is a biter, and a hitter.  He laughs at me when I tell him no.  And he is always chasing his brother, pulling on the back of his shirt, and tackling him.  Needless to say, this leads to Kingston throwing himself on the ground because he's sick of his brother messing with him.

And Kyrie LOVES to dance.  If he hears any kind of music, he bouncing on his legs, stomping his feet, and flapping his arms.  All with pride.  It's so awesome.

Kyrie has such a big personality.  He loves hard, plays rough, is stubborn, and when he wants to be picked up he'll let you know.  When my arms are hurting and I have one million things I have to do and I go to put him down, he pulls his legs up to his body, wrinkles his face into a grimace, and goes limp so I can't put him down.  Then when I scoop him back up, his face lights up and he grins with at "I got what I wanted" look.  It's priceless.  He has me wrapped around his finger.

They are best friends.  They play so good together.  The talk to each other.  They make each other laugh.  When one boy is playing with something, the other wants to too.  They steal toys from each other and chase each other.  They are handsome and silly and wonderful.

They are your grandsons.

They will learn all about you.  They will love you without ever knowing you.

And when we go to the beach on Father's Day, or your birthday, or the anniversary of your death, it will be to celebrate your life, and the amazing man that you were. They will know your story.  And they will know that the one place I feel closest to you is at Lake Michigan.

And one day they'll grow up to be men.  And you know what, dad?  I hope they'll be a lot like you.

August 14

Today my heart hurts.    Like I can feel every beat, and there is this pain in my chest that won't go away.

I know why.  I always feel a little yuck on August 14.

Because this is the day cancer took my dad away seven years ago.

And I didn't see it coming, but this year is just harder.  I mean, I should have seen it coming, but I didn't.  Because his birthday (5 days ago) was okay.  I made a peach pie, and celebrated his birthday with my brothers and their families.  And it was bittersweet, but good to be with family.  Liz made Cody (and baby Lily) this beautiful book about my dad, and it was shared.  The cousins played.  It was nice.

But today is not nice.

It just plain sucks.

I look at my precious boys, and I'm just so mad.  I'm mad that my dad never got to meet them.  And I'm mad that they are missing out on knowing their grandpa.  I'm mad that so many people can cure their cancer, and my dad's took his life.  I know that's not fair.  It's great some cancer is curable.  But my dad's wasn't, so I'm mad anyway.  I'm mad there wasn't more time.  I'm mad he never knew I wanted to adopt.  He never knew David.  I'm just so mad today.

Cancer is just not fair.  And it hurts.  So, so much.


I want him to pick up my boys.  And love them.  And tell me how they have his hair, and that they're going to be trouble one day because they are his grandsons, and he was trouble.  I know he would love them.  I know he would spoil them.  And tickle them.  And give them weird nicknames.

Today I'm mad to be missing all that.  For my boys to be missing all of that.  For my dad to be missing all that.

I'm 30 years old.  I'm a grown up.  I get that.  But you know what?  Today I just want my daddy.