Reflections

Last New Year's Eve we didn't make it to midnight.  In fact, we did nothing to celebrate.  At least, if we did, I have no memory of it.

That's because last New Year's Eve was during a time Dave and I lovingly refer to as the "dark days".

The boys had been home for a few weeks.  But it felt like an eternity and only 5 minutes at the same time.  I don't remember much from those days except that the boys didn't sleep.

Ever.

No really.  They never slept.  And when they did, they coordinated with each other to make sure at least one of them was always up.

I think they were just trying to keep us on our toes.  In actuality, its how we lost our silly little minds.

We were all kinds of sleep deprived crazy.

BUT - sleep deprived doesn't matter when you have these sweet faces to see each day

In those days, it took the boys about an hour and a half to fall asleep.  I remember Kingston would fall asleep first.  And then it was another hour before Kyrie would fall asleep.  It usually involved David rocking him to sleep in our closet, and then carefully transferring him to the bouncy seat in the nursery.

They didn't do cribs in the "dark days."

Then we would drop wherever we were and try to get 20 minutes of sleep before Kingston was up.  We were lucky to get 10.

A couple of brand new baby ballers. 

Christmas, New Year's, David's birthday, Valentine's day, My birthday, spring break....

These are all things we celebrate and have some sort of memorable time for.  But last year they all passed without event.  I don't remember them, I just know they happened without me.  I was half asleep through all of it, and can't remember anything monumental about any of it.


This year we may or may not make it to midnight.  We are home with our sweet family of four. All of us in our pajamas.  Two of us are snuggled in our cribs, snoozing peacefully until morning.  And its not David or me.  There is champagne in the fridge, and we've already agreed to a 9:00 toast.  Because why wait until midnight when we may not make it?  And not because we are sleep deprived.  We're not.  We're well rested.  We just may or may not choose to stay up.

One little guy who was NOT going to make the ball drop.

So while I felt like nothing big was happening last year, I was so very wrong.  Those dark days were some of the most important days of my life.  Those sleepless nights of rocking and singing the same Train song over and over again because it was the only song that stopped the crying, those days of crashing on the couch were the boys could wake up, see me there, and then sleep for a few more minutes, those were some important days.  Big things were happening.

Two napping angels. 

Mama and baby Kingston

My boys were learning who we were.  They were learning to love us, and trust us.  And feel at home.

And while I know every day is a journey towards healthy attachment and development for my little loves, I feel so content with where we are today.   So happy.  And so very blessed.

And I can't wait to see what big things happen in 2013.

My flirty little Ky.

Kingston my lion tamer.