Mommies kiss owies. They rock littles and snuggle and smooch their babies. They wipe away tears and play trains and sing songs.
But the actual "doing" of motherhood is so much more than all of that. It's the going through the motions. It's the day to day. It's making lunch and bribing attempts on the potty and sitting in your jammies all day and being ridiculous and just being there.
Being Mama.
My first babies lost their first mommy. My heart aches for them and I often wonder how much they remember and know about that. We talk about Ethiopia often in our house, but we haven't exposed our boys to the tough parts about their story.
That will all come in time and when their little hearts are ready.
But what do their hearts know already?
The other day at the train store - more commonly known as Barnes and Noble - we were standing in line to pay. There was a book on the shelf. The Ugly Duckling. There was a picture of the baby swan with a sad little tear going down his face.
I hope I never forget the conversation that happened next. Because it touched my heart in a way I can't even describe. It showed me what my boy knows deep in his heart. It made me want to pick him up, hold him close, and never ever let him go.
Kingston: Mama?
Me: Yeah baby?
K: (pointing) Thadda baby duck
Me: Yes, that's a baby duck
K: He cryin'
Me: Yes, he's crying.
K: Him needs his mama
I can't even write it down, type it - whatever. I can't even think about it without tearing up.
Yes, baby boy. He needs his mommy.
That's what my son knows. What he knows in his core. Someone is crying? They need their mommy. Upset? Mommies are for that. Hurt? You need mom. You're little and alone? You need your mama.
I so love that he knows this and hate that he knows hurt.
I love that I can be his mama, and hate that he lost his first one.
I hope, hope HOPE that I can always be that comfort for him. Always brush away his tears. Hold him until he feels safe. Rock him. Sing to him. Bring him peace, and joy, and love. I hope I never ever let him down.
Lofty goals. I know.
But that's what mamas do.
But the actual "doing" of motherhood is so much more than all of that. It's the going through the motions. It's the day to day. It's making lunch and bribing attempts on the potty and sitting in your jammies all day and being ridiculous and just being there.
Being Mama.
My first babies lost their first mommy. My heart aches for them and I often wonder how much they remember and know about that. We talk about Ethiopia often in our house, but we haven't exposed our boys to the tough parts about their story.
That will all come in time and when their little hearts are ready.
But what do their hearts know already?
The other day at the train store - more commonly known as Barnes and Noble - we were standing in line to pay. There was a book on the shelf. The Ugly Duckling. There was a picture of the baby swan with a sad little tear going down his face.
I hope I never forget the conversation that happened next. Because it touched my heart in a way I can't even describe. It showed me what my boy knows deep in his heart. It made me want to pick him up, hold him close, and never ever let him go.
Kingston: Mama?
Me: Yeah baby?
K: (pointing) Thadda baby duck
Me: Yes, that's a baby duck
K: He cryin'
Me: Yes, he's crying.
K: Him needs his mama
I can't even write it down, type it - whatever. I can't even think about it without tearing up.
Yes, baby boy. He needs his mommy.
That's what my son knows. What he knows in his core. Someone is crying? They need their mommy. Upset? Mommies are for that. Hurt? You need mom. You're little and alone? You need your mama.
I so love that he knows this and hate that he knows hurt.
I love that I can be his mama, and hate that he lost his first one.
I hope, hope HOPE that I can always be that comfort for him. Always brush away his tears. Hold him until he feels safe. Rock him. Sing to him. Bring him peace, and joy, and love. I hope I never ever let him down.
Lofty goals. I know.
But that's what mamas do.
2 comments:
So wise and knowing at such a young age. -Kara
Oh sweet boy. That is precious.
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