My Sleep Champions

Those of you that talk to me on a regular basis know that my boys have never really been masters of sleep.

When they first came home, they woke up every 2 hours for a bottle.  And if they weren't on the same 2 hour schedule - which was always - we were up every hour.  And then it took 30 minutes to get them back to sleep, only to be woken up by the other child who was ready for their bottle.

It was a NIGHTMARE.

Seriously.

I cried a lot.  Mostly because I was SO SO tired and all I wanted in the whole wide world was a 3 hour block of uninterrupted sleep.

But then they stopped needing the bottle to get back to sleep.  You might think this meant they woke up less, but it didn't.  Not at first anyway.  They just needed to be rocked or bounced in the bouncy seat back to sleep.  So David and I took turns sleeping on a twin mattress on the floor of their room.  Because if you could catch them quickly and start bouncing/rocking, they wouldn't wake all the way up.  And they'd get back to sleep quicker.

Well this life slowly transitioned, and they were only waking up once or twice in the night.  Sometimes one of them would sleep through the night, but their brother was sure to wake up for a 2 hour stint around 1:30am, just so we didn't get used to too much sleep.  They never, EVER, slept through the whole night on the same night.

Pretty sure they planned it out that way, just so we wouldn't miss them through the night time hours.

At this point David and I were back in our own room.  Although, to be completely honest, David would sometimes sleep on the floor in our closet with the bathroom fan on.  Because he was working, and I had the "night shift" and then he wouldn't be woken up by which ever child wanted to be up for the day at 3:00am.

As their nighttime wakings slimmed to one time per night, their morning wake time stuck to 4:30 or 5:00.  I sort of thought this would just be their style.  Early morning risers.  Not really my thing, but what are you gonna do?

Then I started back teaching, and somehow, miraculously, the boys slowly started sleeping in until 6:00am.  Which was okay, because I would have had to get up just shortly after that for work anyway.  And sometimes, like once or twice a week, they would BOTH sleep through the night.

Those nights were so glorious.

But most of the time, somebody still would wake up.  And it was fine, and doable, and SUCH an improvement from the time they first came home that I truly felt like I had this mom thing down.

----------------

And now here we are in the summer months.  I am home every day (because - hooray! - I'm a teacher and have summers off).  Out of nowhere the boys started sleeping through the night.  Like almost every single night.

What?

And to top that off, they are EVER so slowly... sleeping in!!

Kyrie, seen here NOT sleeping. 

I haven't gotten out of bed before 7:00am all week, and Sunday - on David's "day", of course - they slept until 7:50.

Huh?!

I don't know if its because its summer time, and they are busy playing hard in the fresh air, or if its because I'm home every day and they just sleep better with mommy home all day.

Kingston - also not currently sleeping :)

I just hope it never ever changes.  Because while I was functioning quite well on little to no sleep at night, I am an absolute ROCKSTAR with a full night's sleep AND sleeping in til 7:00.


You go, babies.  You GET your sleep on :)

A Letter

 A while back my sister in law, Katie, asked me to "guest post" on her blog, Sluiter Nation.  Well, I was super nervous about it, but took the plunge.  She is a SERIOUS blogger, people.  With like a million followers.  So it was quite an honor.


So anyway, after much thought, I wanted to post it here too because I sort of want it all in one place, you know?  So one day I can read it all to the boys while they listen in wonder (boredom) to mommie's thoughts.  :)  


So here it is...


------------------------

My Sweet Babies,

I can’t even begin to tell you how much my life has changed since you entered it.  Everything I’ve known for the past 30 years has been turned upside down.  

You made me a mommy.  

You taught me how to live on 2 hours of sleep or less a night.  

And still function.  

You showed me that I can love in a way I never knew about.  

You helped me learn 100 tricks to getting food in your belly without it being spit right back out at me, followed by your giggles.  

You have changed my life so very much.  And I know this is only the beginning.  

But then I think about your sweet little lives.  In the seven months of your lives before you knew me and daddy, you have experienced so much.  

You had to lose your birth family in order to join ours.  Which is something that even though you were infants, I know you felt.  I know you grieve.  

You then lived in an orphanage.  And were cared for by a new set of people.   

Only to be moved to another place.  Where you met your special mothers.  Woman who became special to you.  That you grew to trust.  Maybe even love and bonded with.  You spent the majority of your life there before meeting us.  And I think you probably thought you were finally home.  

But you weren’t.  

And then what had to be the hardest transition of your life happened.  

You met your mommy and daddy.  

And we swept you away from everything you knew and loved.  We took you from your beautiful country.  From the sweet brown faces you were familiar with.  From your friends.  From all the smells, sights and sounds you were used to.  

And into Michigan.

I know it was hard, my darlings.  

I know you were unsure of us.  Of our unsteady hands.  Of mommy’s tears for no reason.  There were lots of times I cried right along with you.  Sometimes out of happiness.  Other times because I didn’t know what to do for you.

You were unsure of the changing formula, and the doctors visits.  The antibiotics.  The tummy aches. The sleepless nights.

Slowly and surely, we found our rhythm.  You found comfort in my arms.  And slowly (OH SO SLOWLY) you started to sleep better.  You beat out your tummy troubles, and we finally got rid of that nasty parasite.  

And every day you learn more.  You laugh and play.  You are both crawling EVERYWHERE.  And fast.  And Kingston, you’re walking more every day! You get into everything you shouldn’t get into.  And you look me straight in the eye before you do it, you silly boy.   You capture a room with your adorable expressions.  Kyrie, you laugh at everything.  Especially when I tell you no.  You shoot your hands straight up in the air to show me how big you are, and with SUCH confidence.  And the stories you tell me.  I cannot WAIT until I understand your babbles.  Because I already know you are hilarious.  

But my loves, I often wonder about your hearts.  Do you know I will love you forever and ever?  Do you know that no stranger will ever come and take you away again?  I worry that you do not know.  

Because you still have not lived with us for longer than you’ve lived without us.  

And at one point, we were the strangers that took you away from what you knew.

And sometimes at night, you cannot be soothed unless you are in my arms.  And if I even think about putting you down once you are asleep, you wake up immediately and cling to me.  

Oh, how on these nights I never want to let you go.

I promise I’ll never let you go.

I want you to know we are your forever family.  You are home.  We love you with every ounce of our hearts, and a little bit more.  

I will always kiss your tears away.  I will always cuddle you.  I will always let you snuggle up next to me at night when you cannot sleep without me.  I will protect you, no matter what.

I’m your mommy.  Now, and always, darlings.  I’m your forever mommy.

Bacon Grease

I have so many beautiful memories of my father.  He was SUCH an amazing dad.

He was well known in the Sluiter household and nationwide for his ability to make breakfast.  He made many concoctions, and was the old school kind of guy who fried your eggs in the bacon grease.

Mmm….  So good.

Never mind his heart attack… I'm sure the two are unrelated :)  [Sidenote: I'm pretty sure the bacon grease habit needed to stop after said heart attack.  But it may or may not have.]

He was best known for his omelets.  UH-MAY-ZING.  I have yet to find a better omelet.  Restaurants don't even compare.  Not. Even. Close.

I remember so many summer Sunday mornings with my dad in front of the griddle, whether at home or on the boat.  I know every step of his omelet making skills.  And though I've tried to reproduce this delicacy, I fail every time.  He pulled the craziest faces and expressions while he cooked (or fixed something on the boat, or talked.)  So maybe that's what I'm missing.  I've seen those faces on my brothers though… so maybe they have the omelet making gene.

Those omelets, with toast and bacon on the side?  They tasted like home.  Like comfort.

Like love.

I so clearly remember the last omelet I had from my dad.  And it is the last time I remember feeling carefree and like I was home in his presence, despite the circumstances.

I used to go to all of his doctor's appointments when he was sick.  He didn't need me to.  He didn't ask me to. I just had to.  I wanted to be there and hear first hand what the doctor's had to say.  Plus, I was a recent college graduate with no job, so I had a little extra time on my hands to spend with him.  Who could pass that up?  On this day, we were in to see the radiologist.   He was not wonderful.

We saw a lot of doctors who had to give us a lot of bad news.  Most were compassionate and patient.  Some even B.S.'d with my dad - which was his kind of doctor.  But this guy?  Didn't even have time to sit with us for 5 minutes after he told us the cancer had spread.  It was everywhere and it wasn't slowing down.  We could quit radiation because it wasn't working.  He was cold, crass, and walked right out the door with more important things to do.  He never even asked if we had questions.

I'm shaking my fist at that guy right now….

Afterwards we went to the boat.  That was my dad's happy place.

Mine too.

I stayed the night there with him and my step mom.  On the table that folds into a bed.  Just like I did when I was a little girl.  And in the morning, there were omelets.  With bacon and toast.

Made by my daddy. With a smile and love and funny faces while he made them.  No thoughts or talk of the day before.  Just us.  And I tasted home.  And comfort.

And love.

------

Today marks David's first Father's Day.  And I can't help but think of all the wonderful memories he's already made with his children.  I feel so lucky to be on this journey called parenthood with him.  It melts my heart that my two sweet boys get to call him daddy.

They get rocked by him at night.  And snuggled by him.  And hear stories from him.

And one day they'll have sweet memories like I do.  It might not be about food.  Or bacon grease.  I think they're fondest memories with their daddy will involve a story on his lap.   Or maybe a bike ride.  Or baseball games.  Or a million other things.  Because that is what daddies do.  They love their children, and instill the most amazingly warm memories for their children without even trying.



Happy Father's Day, David.  I love you, and I am so proud of the father you are to our boys.

Happy Father's Day, Daddy.  I miss you every day.  I love you, and I cherish the memories we made.


And happy Father's Day to the rest of you fathers.  To my brother Cort, who has raised two beautiful little boys.  To my brother Cody, who has his first little one on the way.  I know you will be a great dad because you had a great role model.  To my step dad Ray, who has loved me as his own from day one, and is a wonderful grandpa to my boys.  To David's dad, Wayne, who takes care of my sweet babies when I have to go to work. They have a special relationship with their Papa already.

And to all the daddies that love their babies and grandbabies.




You are treasured.  Thank you.

Baptism

My boys were baptized the other day.

Like well over a month ago, but I haven't blogged about it yet, so lets pretend it was just recently for the sake of writing…

When we brought our boys home, we obviously knew we wanted them baptized.  It wasn't really something that needed discussing.  We will raise our boys to know the love of God, and teach them to live life in a way that is honorable to God.  As best as we can, with the support of our family and friends of course.

But church is a rather overwhelming place for "new to the U.S." twin boys who are adjusting to their new family.  During our serious cocooning time we weren't really leaving the house at all with the boys, let alone to go to a VERY busy, loud, and overstimulating church service.  Where everyone would want to see the boys, and the boys would want to be at home in their 'safe place'.  So we stayed home.

Oh, and also we do not have a home church.

Minor detail.

We've pretty much been on the hunt since we got married (um… 3 years ago).  And we haven't found a place yet that really meets all our needs.  We've found some really great churches that we like to attend, but we haven't found the one that feels like home to us.

We're a strange mix.  I was raised Christian Reformed, which is a very "Zeelandy" thing to be.  Or maybe just West Michigan in general.  David was raised Catholic.  Even went to a very lovely Catholic school growing up.  What we are looking for is neither Reformed nor Catholic.  More non-denominational, maybe.  With some traditional feel, but a semi liberal attitude.  Modern music, but not something that has to feel like a concert.  That has outreach programs for widows/orphans/people in our community and across the world in need, but also is small enough that we don't feel lost in the crowd.

So you know…  just your ordinary ole' church :)

So where do we baptize our boys?  And when?

It was one of those things we sort of just "tabled" for awhile.

And then one day just decided.


We opted for the church I grew up in, because its where we got married.  Also, the pastor there did our pre-marital counseling, so he knows us, and helped us out with some adoption paperwork we needed from a church leader.

And then we found out he was retiring.  Okay.  So lets do this people.  Like quick before he is not there anymore and we have to have a stranger do it!

(I mean really… its OUR promise to the boys to raise them in the church.  Not the pastors.  So it doesn't matter.)  But whatever.  It did matter.

And one of the only dates that worked was already chosen for another family baptizing their child.  (This is a very small church, where you get your OWN Sunday for baptizing.  Not a couple days a year where everyone does it.  - And I'm not knocking churches that do that.  Just explaining that some families may not want to share their day.)

Oh.  And that other family was my brother's family.  Baptizing my beautiful nephew, Charlie.  On a day that his Mom had chosen specifically because it was near her father's (Charlie's middle namesake's) birthday.  Because her first son was baptized on the birthday of my father and great grandfather, whom he is named after.

Oh.  And she planned it like the MOMENT she knew her due date.  Probably.  Because that is how she rolls.  All organized and such.

And by some miracle, she was willing to share the special day with our boys!  She said it would be special for Charlie to be baptized the same day as his cousins. :)  YAY!  And it was special.  It was awesome.  It was perfect.

Thank you Katie, Cort, Eddie and Charlie for sharing your day with us!  It was so special for Kingston and Kyrie to be able to enjoy this celebration with you!

Here are some pictures…

Sorry about the blur...

Cousin Charlie

Sweet boy :)

Blur again. But I don't care :)

Flirting with Auntie Liz and Uncle Cody's niece behind us

Mama does double time

My family that I adore.

And here we are again.

Daddy hold two boys

Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day.

And it is one of the most honorable days I know.

Being a mom is incredible.  Worth every second of the wait.  These two boys rock my world like no others could do.  And I just want to cry every time I think about how lucky I am.  I know every mom thinks this, but HONESTLY.  My boys are the most amazing little people ever.

Today I find myself thinking about last Mother's Day.  My boys were born already, and I didn't know it.  I'd hoped it, and thought about it, but I didn't know it. And I didn't know they were twins.  Or boys.

Or perfect.

And on that Mother's Day another mother was holding those boys.

Their first mother.

Their biological mother.

And although they do not have Mother's Day in Ethiopia, I know she felt the same way I do.  That they are the most amazing miracles.  That they are precious.  And beautiful.  And as their mother, she would love them forever.  And every moment of every day, she would do everything she could do to make sure they were okay.



And my heart breaks for her.  Because while she got to bring them into this world, look into their eyes for the first time, and hear their sweet newborn baby coos, she doesn't get to see what I get to see every day.

She doesn't get to see them walk.  Or hear their first word.  Or teach them to ride a bike one day.

I get to do those things.  Because I'm their mommy too.  And while I'm so thankful that I get to do those things, and I get to love these boys every day of my life, my heart hurts for her.  And I think about her.  Especially today.  And I wish I could hug her and let her know that she'll always hold a special place in our family. 

Because she and I share something so special.  So sacred.  So amazing.

Love for these two boys.

Kingston Paulos and Kyrie Weldemichael.  My loves.  My heart.  My everything.  And half a world away, I know I'm not the only one who feels that way.

Why I'm such a Crazy Mom

Well, lets be honest about something right off the bat.  I'm a little bit crazy in every aspect of my life.

Exhibit A: The Dishwasher.
I love that David takes care of his dishes and loads the dishwasher, but I almost always take the dishes out and redo it… the "right way".   You don't have to tell me how ridiculous this is.

Exhibit B: The Car Seat.
If you are not me, and you strap my boys into the car seat, I'll double check it.  Not because I don't trust you, but because I'm a little bit crazy and just need to make sure.  Most of the time I even find a way that David did it wrong.  "This needs to be tighter here.  You didn't put the bar up so he can see his toys.  Make sure this is on his chest.  This is twisted."

Exhibit C: Holding my Children.
I won't let you.

Actually, I'm serious about this one, and people usually think I'm not.  I've been known to snatch my child out of the hands of an unsuspecting friend who innocently picked up one of my boys to say hello.  And when people say, "Can I hold him?" clearly expecting me to hand a baby over, I say, "No, sorry."

And even people who understand (or act like they understand) our cocooning process make comments like, "Really?  Still?  For how long?" or "I think they know by now."


So I'd like to share a little insight as to why I am the way I am.  And why I will protect my boys and their needs no matter how uncomfortable it makes me or you.

In their short year of life, my boys have lived in four different places, two different countries, and had MULTIPLE care givers.  I don't know too much about the first months of their lives, but I know they spent seven months with others, and four of those months were in two different orphanages before coming home with us.  They were held by many different woman who cared for them, and were happy with all of them.  They didn't fuss when somebody new held them.  Even David and I for the first time.  They didn't have stranger anxiety because a new person picking them up was the story of their lives.

Friends, this is not a healthy life for an infant.  Babies need families.  They need to know there will always be somebody (mom and dad) there to provide for them.  It gives them a sense of security and a bond with their family.  Thank goodness there are orphanages for children who are in need of a home.  But it is not ideal.  Not at all.  And it doesn't promote healthy family attachment.

When we first came home, we spent the first three months in the house with little journeys out and few guests.  Just close friends and family.  And David and I were the only ones to hold, feed, change and provide basic needs for our boys.

We feel so lucky to have these boys as our own.  We have come a long way in the last few months and they clearly know who mom and dad are.  It melts my heart when one of my boys reaches his arms out to me with a little squeal.

Seriously.  It's the best thing ever.

But that doesn't mean we close the door to cocooning.  Attachment is a process.  And it's a long one.   It's a road we'll be walking as a family the rest of our lives.

Friends and family, I know that this may hurt you.  But I don't want my child to be completely comfortable in your arms.  I want them to find that comfort in MY arms.  And David's.  And for most biological children, this comes natural.  With adoption, children need to learn that mom and dad are the ones who comfort.  It's not just anyone (like it had been in their past).


We're at the point now where our family members are holding the boys.  And while I think it is healthy, I still struggle with it a bit.  The attachment and bonding process has been beaten into our heads so strongly, and it is such an important process.  I'm constantly watching their every move for anxiety, or discomfort so I can swoop in and take them back.  And at the same time, trying to fight that urge to do so.

So bear with me. 

You might not get to hold my boys when you think it is the appropriate time.  Or you might think I'm too over bearing.  But if I think it is what is best for my boys, I'm going to do it.  And I really, really appreciate your support.

And if you think I'm a little crazytown (which you very well might), then strap yourself in, because I'm only in the beginning of my parenting journey.  And chances are, there is a whole lot more crazy coming down the line. 

Happy Birthday Babies!

My boys are 1.

I have a TON of emotions about that - but that is not what this post is about.

Its about their party :)  Well, actually I'm not going to write that much because I'm about to overload your computer screen with one million photos.  But I'll write in the captions :)

It was a Dr. Seuss theme - as you will see.  And it was so fun.  And my kids are so cute and wonderful and perfect and now ONE!  Ugh.

Ah children….  they grow up so fast….

Don't mock my mini cakes.  I'm hoping each year they'll be cooler/better.

Yep.  YUM.

Oh, who made the cute food tags?  That would be ME.

Dessert table :)

Guess how many candies...

The cutesy candy sign I made up :)

Favors.  I totally copied these.

Mmmm… a pinterest punch...

Me and one of the birthday boys!

They do love the window.  Oh, and all their presents were out there too.

You can only see one boy, but there is another behind that big box...

They pretty much loved all the new toys ;)

Um... lets talk about this hat.

My boys are so cool.

"I tip my hat to you, fine lady..."

He knows he's cute.

Sweaters my Grandma MADE.  I'm in love.

These ponies are the new baby crack for Kingston.  Seriously.  I'll write about it one day.

Its sings.  So Awesome.

Oh.  And they're driving now.  Clear the roads!

Cruising for chicks...

Checking his blind spot.

Rollin' down the strip...

Cake time. I might have stripped them down to their diapers.  What?

Singing...

I also might have asked if I should let them blow out the candles.  Um.  Really mom?  Think that is a good idea?

Making him try the gluten free/dairy free cake that he did not have any interest in.  I wonder why?

Kind of over it.

Don't be tricked.  Mommy demolished that cake.  Not Kyrie.

Mom.. Really?  You're taking a picture right now?

Family photos don't always work out with twin 1 year olds.  But I like the egg/ball floating in mid air...

David, Kingston, Kyrie and I feel so blessed by our friends and family.  Thanks for celebrating with us and making their first birthday so special :)