Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day.

And it is one of the most honorable days I know.

Being a mom is incredible.  Worth every second of the wait.  These two boys rock my world like no others could do.  And I just want to cry every time I think about how lucky I am.  I know every mom thinks this, but HONESTLY.  My boys are the most amazing little people ever.

Today I find myself thinking about last Mother's Day.  My boys were born already, and I didn't know it.  I'd hoped it, and thought about it, but I didn't know it. And I didn't know they were twins.  Or boys.

Or perfect.

And on that Mother's Day another mother was holding those boys.

Their first mother.

Their biological mother.

And although they do not have Mother's Day in Ethiopia, I know she felt the same way I do.  That they are the most amazing miracles.  That they are precious.  And beautiful.  And as their mother, she would love them forever.  And every moment of every day, she would do everything she could do to make sure they were okay.



And my heart breaks for her.  Because while she got to bring them into this world, look into their eyes for the first time, and hear their sweet newborn baby coos, she doesn't get to see what I get to see every day.

She doesn't get to see them walk.  Or hear their first word.  Or teach them to ride a bike one day.

I get to do those things.  Because I'm their mommy too.  And while I'm so thankful that I get to do those things, and I get to love these boys every day of my life, my heart hurts for her.  And I think about her.  Especially today.  And I wish I could hug her and let her know that she'll always hold a special place in our family. 

Because she and I share something so special.  So sacred.  So amazing.

Love for these two boys.

Kingston Paulos and Kyrie Weldemichael.  My loves.  My heart.  My everything.  And half a world away, I know I'm not the only one who feels that way.

Why I'm such a Crazy Mom

Well, lets be honest about something right off the bat.  I'm a little bit crazy in every aspect of my life.

Exhibit A: The Dishwasher.
I love that David takes care of his dishes and loads the dishwasher, but I almost always take the dishes out and redo it… the "right way".   You don't have to tell me how ridiculous this is.

Exhibit B: The Car Seat.
If you are not me, and you strap my boys into the car seat, I'll double check it.  Not because I don't trust you, but because I'm a little bit crazy and just need to make sure.  Most of the time I even find a way that David did it wrong.  "This needs to be tighter here.  You didn't put the bar up so he can see his toys.  Make sure this is on his chest.  This is twisted."

Exhibit C: Holding my Children.
I won't let you.

Actually, I'm serious about this one, and people usually think I'm not.  I've been known to snatch my child out of the hands of an unsuspecting friend who innocently picked up one of my boys to say hello.  And when people say, "Can I hold him?" clearly expecting me to hand a baby over, I say, "No, sorry."

And even people who understand (or act like they understand) our cocooning process make comments like, "Really?  Still?  For how long?" or "I think they know by now."


So I'd like to share a little insight as to why I am the way I am.  And why I will protect my boys and their needs no matter how uncomfortable it makes me or you.

In their short year of life, my boys have lived in four different places, two different countries, and had MULTIPLE care givers.  I don't know too much about the first months of their lives, but I know they spent seven months with others, and four of those months were in two different orphanages before coming home with us.  They were held by many different woman who cared for them, and were happy with all of them.  They didn't fuss when somebody new held them.  Even David and I for the first time.  They didn't have stranger anxiety because a new person picking them up was the story of their lives.

Friends, this is not a healthy life for an infant.  Babies need families.  They need to know there will always be somebody (mom and dad) there to provide for them.  It gives them a sense of security and a bond with their family.  Thank goodness there are orphanages for children who are in need of a home.  But it is not ideal.  Not at all.  And it doesn't promote healthy family attachment.

When we first came home, we spent the first three months in the house with little journeys out and few guests.  Just close friends and family.  And David and I were the only ones to hold, feed, change and provide basic needs for our boys.

We feel so lucky to have these boys as our own.  We have come a long way in the last few months and they clearly know who mom and dad are.  It melts my heart when one of my boys reaches his arms out to me with a little squeal.

Seriously.  It's the best thing ever.

But that doesn't mean we close the door to cocooning.  Attachment is a process.  And it's a long one.   It's a road we'll be walking as a family the rest of our lives.

Friends and family, I know that this may hurt you.  But I don't want my child to be completely comfortable in your arms.  I want them to find that comfort in MY arms.  And David's.  And for most biological children, this comes natural.  With adoption, children need to learn that mom and dad are the ones who comfort.  It's not just anyone (like it had been in their past).


We're at the point now where our family members are holding the boys.  And while I think it is healthy, I still struggle with it a bit.  The attachment and bonding process has been beaten into our heads so strongly, and it is such an important process.  I'm constantly watching their every move for anxiety, or discomfort so I can swoop in and take them back.  And at the same time, trying to fight that urge to do so.

So bear with me. 

You might not get to hold my boys when you think it is the appropriate time.  Or you might think I'm too over bearing.  But if I think it is what is best for my boys, I'm going to do it.  And I really, really appreciate your support.

And if you think I'm a little crazytown (which you very well might), then strap yourself in, because I'm only in the beginning of my parenting journey.  And chances are, there is a whole lot more crazy coming down the line. 

Happy Birthday Babies!

My boys are 1.

I have a TON of emotions about that - but that is not what this post is about.

Its about their party :)  Well, actually I'm not going to write that much because I'm about to overload your computer screen with one million photos.  But I'll write in the captions :)

It was a Dr. Seuss theme - as you will see.  And it was so fun.  And my kids are so cute and wonderful and perfect and now ONE!  Ugh.

Ah children….  they grow up so fast….

Don't mock my mini cakes.  I'm hoping each year they'll be cooler/better.

Yep.  YUM.

Oh, who made the cute food tags?  That would be ME.

Dessert table :)

Guess how many candies...

The cutesy candy sign I made up :)

Favors.  I totally copied these.

Mmmm… a pinterest punch...

Me and one of the birthday boys!

They do love the window.  Oh, and all their presents were out there too.

You can only see one boy, but there is another behind that big box...

They pretty much loved all the new toys ;)

Um... lets talk about this hat.

My boys are so cool.

"I tip my hat to you, fine lady..."

He knows he's cute.

Sweaters my Grandma MADE.  I'm in love.

These ponies are the new baby crack for Kingston.  Seriously.  I'll write about it one day.

Its sings.  So Awesome.

Oh.  And they're driving now.  Clear the roads!

Cruising for chicks...

Checking his blind spot.

Rollin' down the strip...

Cake time. I might have stripped them down to their diapers.  What?

Singing...

I also might have asked if I should let them blow out the candles.  Um.  Really mom?  Think that is a good idea?

Making him try the gluten free/dairy free cake that he did not have any interest in.  I wonder why?

Kind of over it.

Don't be tricked.  Mommy demolished that cake.  Not Kyrie.

Mom.. Really?  You're taking a picture right now?

Family photos don't always work out with twin 1 year olds.  But I like the egg/ball floating in mid air...

David, Kingston, Kyrie and I feel so blessed by our friends and family.  Thanks for celebrating with us and making their first birthday so special :)

My Worst Day as a Mom So Far...

Seriously…

Today has been my worst day as a mom since I became one.  That that is saying a lot since I really didn't know what I was doing in the beginning.

It started out like a normal day.  Up at the crack of dawn.  Bottles fed.  Daddy plays with the boys before leaving for work.  Me still in my pajamas.  David leaves.

But then he comes back in.  "Our recycling is ALL OVER the neighborhood.  And I have a meeting this morning."

Super.

So the boys and I throw on our hoodies, strap in the stroller, and start picking up our stuff.  Our recycling bin was two houses down, so we started there, and filled it up on the way back.  This happened to be the day that we had the MOST recycling ever, so it was a big job. I had just finally cleaned out the garage of the cardboard boxes that held their 2 cribs, dresser, double stroller, 2 umbrella strollers, 2 pack 'n plays, and their exersaucer.  So yeah.  On top of our regular recycling, we had a lot of cardboard.   And regardless of how nice I asked, the boys were not doing their part to clean it up.  (hee hee!)  And MAN!  You realize how much formula you go through in two weeks when you are picking up the Similac containers throughout your neighbors' yards.

So we came back in and it was nap time.  The boys went down great, and I hopped in the shower.  Here is a snapshot of their cuteness :)

Kyrie on the left…. Kingston on the right…  Cute shirts courtesy  of my friend Bekah at Saying Yes to Adoption

While showering, I was thinking about what good little nappers they were, and how lucky I was that they were so happy and adjusting so well.  Then 30 minutes into their nap, they were both up.

What the?!

They wouldn't go back to sleep no matter what I tried, so we quit that and went downstairs to play.

Except they were being SO weird!  They were all whiney and cry-face and needy and had to be touching me but didn't want to be held and it was very unlike them.  They only acted that way when they were hungry and it wasn't really time for their bottle yet.

But whatever. I made the bottles early.  And as I made them, I realized the thing that explained it all.

In the craziness of recycling clean up, I had forgotten to feed the boys their breakfast.  Nice.  So they woke up and were crabby because they were hungry.   (Somehow throughout the craziness of the morning I did not forget to eat my OWN breakfast.  Hmmm….)


Obviously I fed them.

On with the day…

We had to swing by David's work to drop something off, and then we came back home.  I noticed the garbage and recycling had now been picked up, so I decided to bring in the recycling bin.  It was windy, after all, and I didn't need to chase that thing down again.

I left the boys in their carseats in the car because that was easier than bringing them in the house and wondering what they were up to while I brought in the trash can.  Out I go.  Trash can and recycling bin in the garage.  Go to get a baby and…

Boom.

That is the sound of my heart hitting the garage floor as I realize I locked the boys in the car.

Yes, that is right.  Worst mom of the year.  My purse with the keys and cell phone in it is in the drivers seat.  I do not remember locking the door.  Why would I do that?  We're in the garage at OUR house.  But obviously I did.

Like a moron.

So I panic, because who wouldn't with these two sweet faces looking back at you through a locked car door?

I KNOW the only spare is on David's key ring.  But I circle through the house a quick sec just in case (not opening any drawers, mind you.  Because I know they aren't there.  But still.  I run through.)

Then I think about the house phone I was supposed to call and have hooked up for moments just as these (because, remember, the cell phone is locked in the car with the boys).  But I haven't done it yet.  Because why not throw in another failure to my day?

So I run to the neighbor's house to use the phone - all while watching my garage like a hawk in case a burglar comes who can break into locked cars and steal babies.  

Nobody home.

Run to the house on the other side.

Nobody home.  

Okay, seriously?    NEITHER of these women work (at least I don't think so…), and NEITHER of them have children at home right now.  Where could they possibly be?  (Insert comment about people that actually have a life and are not just sitting at home waiting for me to need them here.)

Then I see an innocent man accross the street mowing his lawn.  So I sprint over there in my cute little boots with heels (YES, I wore heels to visit my husband at work.  Because where else can I wear those cute things these days?)

I got up to the man…. and bear with  me… the tears came.  And I couldnt' get my words out.  I ran up, he shut off the mower, and I did that gasping cry thing where you can't talk.  Awesome.   "Can…. (gasp)…. I…. (gasp)…. use… (gasp)… your (gasp).. phone…(gasp) babies… (gasp)… locked… (gasp) in car…  

Well he was awesome.  He got his phone very quickly, and ran to my house with me.  David didn't answer his phone, but I (not embarrassingly at all) cried on the phone to his secretary and asked her to send him home because I locked the boys in the car.  She was very sweet.  And did just that.

Lucky for me, David only works 5 minutes away.  He was home soon (my friendly neighbor waited with me the whole time) and he unlocked the car.  I scooped up Kyrie and David got Kingston and I cried and told them how sorry I was.

And those little boys giggled at me.  

Not funny boys.  

And my husband laughed.  And said, "Why did your Mama lock you in the car?"

Um.  

Number 1.  This is not at all the reaction I expected from my super over-protective Dad type husband.

and

Number 2.  Really?  This is not a funny moment to me. Not. At. All.  Hence the tears.

And then he pointed out that I was having a pretty bad day if I forgot to feed them breakfast and then locked them in the car.

Thanks for your spot on observations darling.

Jet Planes...

Look what I found on our computer :)  This is on our way home from Ethiopia with the boys.  I can't believe how calm and collected we look!   This is not how I felt I looked, but it was just a small glimpse into the longest plane ride of my life… so I guess anyone could look calm for a minute :)

Also - Kingston is sleeping and Kyrie is happy with a bottle, so that helps :)

Sleeping Babies

I pretty much think sleeping babies are the cutest thing ever. 

And the biggest problem with that is once they are sleeping, I want nothing more than to scoop them up and cuddle them to pieces.  

So for whatever reason, I've been taking their pictures when they sleep.  Okay.  I know the reason.  Its because they are so flipping adorable.  

And they sleep in the cutest little positions.  Kingston often scoots himself right into the corner with his little booty in the air which I think is so cute ;)  And Kyrie usually falls asleep and doesn't move all night.  And he always wants his taggie blanket.  

Oh how my heart just swoons for these boys.  They have me wrapped around their fingers, even in their sleep!!

So here are some pictures to enjoy :)  They are dark.  Sorry.  Didn't want to risk waking them with a flash.

They used to ONLY sleep in these bouncy seats.  But they were getting a little too big...

Kingston  - booty in the air.  Love it!!

My Kyrie

Do you see those thighs? LOVE LOVE LOVE!

Kingston in the corner

Next time I'll post pictures of them awake so you can enjoy their sweet little personalities in still form. I never stop being amazed at how much I love these two.

They are the most amazing blessing from God.  Love you Kingston and Kyrie!!

AKA… Mommy

Mommy Knows Best

So in January I was feeding the boys puffs.  You know, the cereal type food that pretty much dissolves in their mouths?

And Dave freaked out.  "What are you doing?!  They are going to choke!  The container says 'crawler' and they are NOT crawling."

Well, mommy knows best and I said I KNEW it was fine.  But we had a doctor's appointment that week and I said I would wait to feed them any more puffs until I talked to the doctor.

So obviously, as I knew he would, the doctor said that the 'crawler' thing was a guideline, and many children crawl by this age (and it was FINE that our boys weren't yet) but they could eat the puffs and other solids.  He gave me the okay to explore with foods a little.

So the next week I was feeding the boys some puffs, and I added in those cheese puff sized things that are flavored like veggies and maple and stuff like that.  Bigger than puffs, but also very dissolvable.

and Dave freaked out. "What are you doing?! They are going to choke! They aren't ready for those things yet!"

Well… as you know… I'm the mommy.  I'm home with them all day.  I KNOW its fine.  So I said, "its fine.  Look, Kingston loves it." And Kingston did.  He was digging those things.  Handling them like a pro.  Then I took one and offered it to Kyrie.

He opened his mouth.

I delicately put it in.

He started to chomp.

And then he gagged and threw up his lunch.

Apparently he wasn't quite ready for those.

Funny Story...

Okay - so seriously - being the mom to twin boys is BUSY!!

Add to that the fact that they have been battling an intestinal parasite and don't like to sleep for more than 1 consecutive hour at night, and I am left with NO spare time. If I can gather a minute while the boys are napping… I am napping too.

Seriously.

So anyway… I think they MIGHT be kicking this thing (after the 100th round of antibiotics…)

And for 2 nights I've gotten some REAL sleep!  AHH!!  Keep it up boys!  Mommy LOVES sleep!

So I'll do my best to start writing again.

Because this life with twins is amazing and silly and frustrating and I'd like to share more of it with whoever would like to read it :)

I have 5 minutes left before I need to take my turn with bedtime shift… (Kyrie will NOT fall asleep tonight…) so here is a funny story from my day.

SCENE:  Children get off the school bus as I walk with my boys in the stroller.  Beautiful day.

Boy 1: Are they twins?
Me: Yes.
Boy 1 (screaming): TWIIIIIIINS!!!!!
Boy 1 (calmly): Why don't they have matching clothes on?
Me: Well, twins don't always have to match.
Boy 1: Oh. You mean so you can tell them apart?
Me: Yeah, I guess that helps.
Boy 2: If you would have just named them the same thing you wouldn't have to worry about it.
Me: Hmm… I didn't think of that.

Boy 1 and Boy 2 walk away shaking their heads at me.

END SCENE.