Tomorrow is Kyrie's follow up X-ray. That means that he's had his colostomy for two months. In some ways it really flew by. Kyrie has been doing amazing with it. With each adhesive change he gets braver and braver. Last night when I was changing it, he even coached me through and said, "Mommy, you are doing a really great job!" Those moments help a lot.
Honestly, Kyrie is the toughest little guy I know. There were so many traumatic moments in the hospital, and Kyrie is dealing with them really well. He talks about it all the time. He tells people all the time that he was in the hospital. And the doctors "did NOT to a great job!" (Disclaimer: They really did a great job. He just hated it. Rightly so.) He'll tell people about the tube up his nose, and that it hurt. He talks about the pokes and the owies. I think that sharing his story with people helps him remember and wrap his head around it. Other times when people ask me how he is in front of him, he tells me, "Don't talk about it! Don't talk about my business!" So I respect that. It's amazing to me how my little four year old is such a grown up. Some days he feels like sharing. Other days he doesn't. And for the most part, he'd rather talk about it himself than have me talk about it to people. Makes sense to me.
His colostomy rarely effects him during his day to day. He plays rough and swims, and sleeps on his tummy, and EATS. Oh how my little boy eats. It's the most beautiful thing. Ezra even wants a colostomy bag like his big brother. He wants to do everything he does, so it's just natural. I have some extra bags that came in a sample. They're not the type I use for Kyrie, so I stick them on Ezra. He LOVES it! It's so funny. He doesn't mess with it or anything. But he's just super proud to be like his older brother. And it's good for Kyrie to see that it can be a cool thing too.
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So tomorrow is his follow up X-ray. We'll find out if his sweet little body is ready for the next surgery. There is nothing we can possibly do to prepare for this. His body will be ready when it's had enough time to heal and his intestines have returned to a normal size. Could be now. Could be in a couple months. And if he's not ready, the colostomy is going so smoothly that it's really no big deal to wait.
But I can't help but have immense anxiety over it. I selfishly want him to be ready for surgery. That means we can possibly schedule it for next week. I'm still on summer break and I'll be able to have all the time in the hospital with him (5-7 days) without missing work. I'll have a little time after that to help him transition home as he's healing. I'll have a little time to figure out how potty training might go for him now that his body will be working properly. It could go very smoothly. It could also be very challenging if his body doesn't cooperate right away, or work as it should after the surgery. There is a huge range of possibilities for how his body will work afterwards. I'm hoping for the best. Trying to prepare for anything.
If he needs more time, I'm struggling with trusting how the timing will work out. I have no problem taking time off work if necessary. The tricky part is that I have a maternity leave coming up and my insurance is affected by how many days I am off. It could especially get tricky if surgery happens close to or during my maternity leave. How on Earth am I going to take care of a brand new infant, myself, and my sweet Kyrie as he heals? How do I stay 5-7 days and nights in a hospital with Kyrie with a newborn? It will be impossible for me to leave the baby. Impossible for me to not stay with Kyrie.
I'm worried about affording all the time off. I'm worried about being spread too thin between Kyrie and the new baby. I'm worried neither will get enough attention when they need it. Let alone Kingston and Ezra. I'm worried about the surgery. And recovery.
I know that logically it makes no sense to worry about all this. I'll find out tomorrow, and we can figure it out from there. He'll be ready, or he won't. The surgery will be scheduled soon. Or later. And it will all be fine. I know that. In the meantime, Kyrie is pain free. And happy. And talks NONSTOP. And that is all I've prayed for. A happy, healthy, little boy. So now I just need to put my trust in God and know he's got this. He knows the timeline. He's got it figured out. He's got my boy in his hands.
Honestly, Kyrie is the toughest little guy I know. There were so many traumatic moments in the hospital, and Kyrie is dealing with them really well. He talks about it all the time. He tells people all the time that he was in the hospital. And the doctors "did NOT to a great job!" (Disclaimer: They really did a great job. He just hated it. Rightly so.) He'll tell people about the tube up his nose, and that it hurt. He talks about the pokes and the owies. I think that sharing his story with people helps him remember and wrap his head around it. Other times when people ask me how he is in front of him, he tells me, "Don't talk about it! Don't talk about my business!" So I respect that. It's amazing to me how my little four year old is such a grown up. Some days he feels like sharing. Other days he doesn't. And for the most part, he'd rather talk about it himself than have me talk about it to people. Makes sense to me. 
His colostomy rarely effects him during his day to day. He plays rough and swims, and sleeps on his tummy, and EATS. Oh how my little boy eats. It's the most beautiful thing. Ezra even wants a colostomy bag like his big brother. He wants to do everything he does, so it's just natural. I have some extra bags that came in a sample. They're not the type I use for Kyrie, so I stick them on Ezra. He LOVES it! It's so funny. He doesn't mess with it or anything. But he's just super proud to be like his older brother. And it's good for Kyrie to see that it can be a cool thing too. ------------------
So tomorrow is his follow up X-ray. We'll find out if his sweet little body is ready for the next surgery. There is nothing we can possibly do to prepare for this. His body will be ready when it's had enough time to heal and his intestines have returned to a normal size. Could be now. Could be in a couple months. And if he's not ready, the colostomy is going so smoothly that it's really no big deal to wait.
But I can't help but have immense anxiety over it. I selfishly want him to be ready for surgery. That means we can possibly schedule it for next week. I'm still on summer break and I'll be able to have all the time in the hospital with him (5-7 days) without missing work. I'll have a little time after that to help him transition home as he's healing. I'll have a little time to figure out how potty training might go for him now that his body will be working properly. It could go very smoothly. It could also be very challenging if his body doesn't cooperate right away, or work as it should after the surgery. There is a huge range of possibilities for how his body will work afterwards. I'm hoping for the best. Trying to prepare for anything.
If he needs more time, I'm struggling with trusting how the timing will work out. I have no problem taking time off work if necessary. The tricky part is that I have a maternity leave coming up and my insurance is affected by how many days I am off. It could especially get tricky if surgery happens close to or during my maternity leave. How on Earth am I going to take care of a brand new infant, myself, and my sweet Kyrie as he heals? How do I stay 5-7 days and nights in a hospital with Kyrie with a newborn? It will be impossible for me to leave the baby. Impossible for me to not stay with Kyrie.
I'm worried about affording all the time off. I'm worried about being spread too thin between Kyrie and the new baby. I'm worried neither will get enough attention when they need it. Let alone Kingston and Ezra. I'm worried about the surgery. And recovery.
I know that logically it makes no sense to worry about all this. I'll find out tomorrow, and we can figure it out from there. He'll be ready, or he won't. The surgery will be scheduled soon. Or later. And it will all be fine. I know that. In the meantime, Kyrie is pain free. And happy. And talks NONSTOP. And that is all I've prayed for. A happy, healthy, little boy. So now I just need to put my trust in God and know he's got this. He knows the timeline. He's got it figured out. He's got my boy in his hands.
2 comments:
We are praying for Kyrie and you all...and don't forget to call on your big brother if you need help with the other dudes...or anything else for that matter! LOVE YOU!
What's the results??????
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